Posted on September 16, 2016 by Meghan Eggleston
Self-esteem and self-doubt are topics that I think about regularly. If you are new to my audience, you might be surprised to know that in the past I struggled with low self-confidence, low self-esteem, and a whole pile of self-doubt. I’ve shared a lot about this journey and my transformation to being more confident, launching my business, and helping others to grow their businesses as well.
Today I want to talk with you about some of the causes behind those self-doubts and getting beyond low self-esteem.
It’s interesting because many times it’s the people that we think are doing just fine that are struggling with low self-esteem. Have you ever found out that someone you believe is accomplished and successful actually is riddled with self-doubt? Do you wonder why that is?
It’s actually a really interesting dichotomy – many people struggle with self-esteem and you don’t understand why. It’s surprising to you when you learn they have self-doubts, especially those people that fit “the mold” of what we expect with high self-esteem; attractiveness, physically fit, accomplished, etc.
Maybe you’re one of those people. You have a lot of things going for you and everyone in your life thinks you are confident and have it together. But on the inside, you feel a sense of underachievement and self-doubt.
My husband left me a note to read an excerpt from a book he’s reading If You Want to Walk on Water You’ve Got to Get out of the Boat.
The book explains the following about self-esteem:
Self-esteem largely boils down to one issue: When you face a difficult situation, do you approach it and take action or do you avoid it?
If you do face it and take action, you grow as a person.
However, when you avoid facing threatening situations, even if it turns out okay, on the inside you are chastising yourself because you hid from it. This avoidance kills any type of inner self-confidence or esteem that we have.
Many people worry that if they take on a situation that may be challenging, they will fail. So they avoid anything that forces them out of their comfort zone. And that’s why they appear to be so successful – because they are avoiding tackling the things they believe they would fail.
This creates an internal dialogue that sounds something like this: “If you only saw the truth in me, you wouldn’t be so in awe of me.”
This was me, people!
I was avoiding anything that was challenging to me. I was a good student, had good grades, but I struggled with esteem, and it’s because I was avoiding anything that I believed I wouldn’t do well. So on the inside I felt like a fraud, and I struggled with self-doubt.
It’s interesting because you would think that receiving praise would alleviate the self-doubt, but it actually works in the opposite manner. Praise from others, even when very sincere, doesn’t help us if we’re avoiders, because we know we aren’t doing anything that truly challenges us. Avoiders are experts at “Impression management”, especially on social media. Avoiders put out a certain perception, and because we KNOW we’re putting out just the perception, it impacts our self-esteem.
Share your vulnerabilities to grow your self-esteem!
So you know what I learned to do? I learned to share my flaws. The more you let people see you, the more you are genuinely YOU, the more it builds your self-esteem. You are no longer afraid of the judgement.
Believe it or not, sharing your vulnerabilities, fears, weaknesses actually builds your self-esteem.
Overcoming that challenge of perception management is what built my self-esteem.
We all have insecurities and flaws
Are you avoiding taking things on because you are afraid of judgement?
For example, I used to avoid social media because I was afraid of being judged. Seriously!
I’ve shared my journey throughout my life about my low self-esteem and self-doubt. But I overcame it, and I encourage you to take on that challenge as well. I explain how I shed my own self-doubt through seven strategies, all outlined for you in my free ebook, Joy in the Journey: Conquering Self-Doubt.
Take on the challenge
Are you censoring and hiding your flaws and imperfections for fear of judgement? Are you waiting to have more confidence and esteem to take on challenges? Are you waiting for when you’re stronger, better, when you’ve lost weight? I’m here to tell you when you take on a challenge, it builds the core of who you are, even if you don’t perform flawlessly.
I encourage you today to stop avoiding those challenges and to stop hiding your imperfections and flaws, because those are the things that will build your self-esteem. Embrace who you are and accept your flaws!
Stop hiding, and you will kick self-doubt in the face.
If this topic resonates with you, please comment and let me know. I’d love to talk with you more!
Pin for Later
Image © Alexmillos | Dreamstime.com – Self confidence check mark illustration